


Undisclosed Desires

by axispowershella



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insanity, M/M, Multi, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-03-04 00:49:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2903231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axispowershella/pseuds/axispowershella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lovino tried to hide the piling emotions welling up inside of him. He tried to lie, act as if he was fine, but he failed to realize those lies would end up hurting him even more. All hope was shattered in just one day...Who knew that one small slip up could change Lovino Vargas' life forever? But, will his life change for better or for worse?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Everything had been just fine before this whole turn of events came crashing down. Everything seemed perfect, in fact. Who knew one little slip up could change his life forever?

"Lovino? Are you alright? You're rather quiet back there."

"Shut up."

To think that his whole world could change for the worse in one day... Well, he thought it was impossible. Unfortunately, he was proved wrong.

It started in the morning, and, as usual, Lovino Vargas slipped out of bed later than the rest of his family. His brown hair was askew and knotted, and his shirt was slipping off of his shoulders. He didn't even bother to clean up, because there was no one to impress.

"Good morning Lovi!" A voice chimed much too cheerfully in Lovino's opinion as his eyes scrunched up in disgust. Another voice followed, this one quieter and belonging to his grandfather. "Good morning."

"Yeah, whatever." Lovino spat as a response, plopping himself down in one of the old wooden chairs that creaked beneath him. "What's for breakfast?"

"I made pastries Fratello~" Amber eyes belonging to his younger brother, Feliciano, wandered towards Lovino's as he stared into them excitedly. "Will you try them?"

"Well, since there's nothing else, yeah."

"Yay~! I'll get one for you!" Feliciano squeaked happily, jumping out of his seat and practically slipping on the wood flooring before he made it to the counter and pulled out a plate for his older sibling to use. His grandfather ruffled the youngest one's hair with a soft chuckle as he enthusiastically gave Lovino his breakfast. "Grazie." He muttered through a mouthful, looking upwards towards the expectant Feliciano who obviously wanted more than just a 'thank you'. He swallowed what he had in his mouth and wiped the corner of his crumb-covered lips, sitting back into his chair. "It's good, alright? Now stop staring at me idiot."

"Ah! You like it~? Ve~!" And soon enough he was right back at the table where he had started - his leg bouncing up and down rapidly as if he was waiting for something to happen.

"What's up with you?" Lovino asked with his eyebrows raised in question, continuing to munch on his small breakfast. His grandfather even came over to give him a cup of coffee, and Lovino silently thanked him. Feliciano, on the other hand, looked down into the table's surface, running a finger down one of the cracks in the wood.

"W-Well... Ludwig is coming over." He whispered, face turning a rosy color, and Lovino stopped eating to stare at his brother coldly. Suddenly he was no longer hungry, no longer thirsty, and wanted to just curl back into his bed and never wake up. He always hated it when Feliciano's, dare he say it, lover came over. That meant no one paid attention to him. It was all about Feliciano and Ludwig. Lovino was shoved in a corner and forgotten for the day.

Not that he had anything else to do. No, Feliciano was given all of the talents to marvel at while all Lovino could do was sleep and curse. That's all he was good for, in his own opinion. He realized that he was being much too quiet as Feliciano called his name, so he shook his head to clear all of the gathering thoughts.

"So the bastard is coming?"

"Si.."

"Then I'm leaving."

"Wait-..!"

Lovino didn't listen as Feliciano clung to his wrist, and instead he jerked away, throwing his plate into the sink with a loud clang. He didn't bother apologizing for it, even if the plate did break. He just didn't care. The only thing he wanted right now was to go to his safe haven - which was the bathroom. He would sit on the tiled floor for hours when he was upset, and no one would question it. He was always so quiet that his family assumed he was just crying. Which, in some cases, was true. But in most, he was doing something else which he had kept secret for several years now. Especially when Ludwig came into the picture.

Having Ludwig there meant his brother would ignore him.

Having Ludwig there meant his grandfather pampering him like he was his own son.

Having Ludwig there meant no more dealing with Lovino, because he's good for nothing anyway.

The fuming Italian was already halfway up the stairs when a knock at the door echoed throughout the house, and Lovino sped up his pace so that he could reach the bathroom in time before he had to see that German's disgusting face.

"Lovino.." His grandfather called, but he slammed the door much too loudly and locked it shut before he could even try to come after Lovino. He didn't turn on the lights, he didn't stop to look in the mirror; he just sat straight on the floor, curling his knees up to his chest.

He could hear his brother greeting Ludwig at the door, and could only assume he had already forgotten about him. By now they were probably in the living room, talking and laughing, and not giving a second thought to where Lovino was.

"I hate them all." He muttered to himself, his arm extending towards a cabinet beneath the sink, "I hate every one of them."

Carefully he opened the door to the cabinet, fumbling around in the dust for what he needed. It was the thing that gave him relief; a way to deal with all of the emotions he kept inside. Something to give himself the pain he thought he deserved. It was an addiction, but he didn't want to be cured of it. It was the only thing he thought he had left.

The blade was beginning to dull, and was even starting to rust, but he didn't mind. All he could focus on was the negativity rushing through his mind; causing him to break down inside and out. Routinely he placed the edge of the weapon on his hip so that he could hide the wounds beneath clothing, and just as he was about to break the skin, footsteps began to creep upstairs. At first he panicked, but soon relaxed and went back to what he was doing when he realized the door was locked tight.

His shaky fingers just sat there, unmoving, and when he finally had the courage to do something, his weapon went flying out of his hand at a knock on the door.

"Lovi? Are you alright Fratello?" Came Feliciano's voice just outside the door, and Lovino scrambled to his feet, shoving the blade beneath the carpet in the bathroom in order for it to be hidden.

"F-Fine, bastard."

"Are you sure?"

"I said I'm fine!"

More footsteps followed and Lovino's head was starting to pound with anxiety as his grandfather's voice neared the door. "Lovino, please come out. We don't want you to be angry."

"Shut up!"

"Lov-"

"Shut the hell up!"

Silence lingered, and all that could be heard was the sound of Lovino's breathing as he hesitantly unlocked the door, turning the knob and pulling it open. He expected everything to be fine and to go on as normal as he hissed an apology to his brother and grandfather... But what he didn't expect was when he opened the door, the rug pulled back beneath it, and out in the open was the blade; shining like new. Ludwig noticed it as his blue eyes wandered towards the floor, "What is that?" He asked, and immediately Lovino's patience was drained.

He roughly opened the door so that it slammed into the wall, his face started to turn a deep shade of red, and with his fists clenched he stomped towards the German who was about a head taller than him. "I hate you." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and without warning, his fist connected with Ludwig's jaw. He could hear a crack, a grunt, and the German stumbled near the wall, clutching onto it for support. Lovino felt his ego rise, and he started to love the rush he felt afterwards. He went towards him again, wanting to get another punch at him, but hands tugging him from behind hindered him from fighting the person he hated most.

"Let me go! Y-You bastard..!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, noticing Ludwig backing away from him as his anger raged on. Lovino managed to rip away from his grandfather's hold and turned around to glare at him, but something in the background caught his eye before he could say another word. Feliciano had picked the blade up, noticing the dried blood on its edges, and now his amber eyes were full of hot tears.

"F-Fratello...?"

Lovino's heart seemed to stop, and a lump formed in his throat.

"Why...? Why L-Lovino..?" The youngest sibling cried, tears rolling down his cheeks and Ludwig went over to comfort him.

"Don't lay your filthy hands on my brother! This is all your fault! I fucking hate all of you..!"

"Lovino," His grandfather's voice was stern, but warm, "Why?"

"What?!"

"Why didn't you tell me or your brother? About how you felt? About hurting yourself?"

"B-Because-"

"Because why, Lovino?"

He stopped, anger beginning to subside, but his heart was still racing wildly inside of his chest.

"We need to talk."

"About what?! How much you hate me? How much I hate myself?"

"I'm worried, Lovino. These sudden outbursts have been happening for months."

"S-So?! Obviously you don't fucking care!"

"But," Feliciano chimed in, running up to his brother with Ludwig right by his side, "We do care! We love you so much Lovi!"

"You're lying."

"I'm not..!"

"Stop lying to me."

His grandfather sighed, looking at the ground as if he was trying to think something through. He didn't want it to come to this, but after these several occurrences lately... He knew this was for the better.

"Come on. Follow me."

"Grandpa..? Where are you taking Fratello?"

"Don't you worry Feliciano. He's going to a place where many people will take care of him."

"You aren't taking me anywhere!"

"Lovino.."

"No! I refuse! Don't come near me or I'll hurt you..!" Lovino froze at what he said, eyes widening in shock as he repeated what he had shouted in his head. "N-No, Grandpa, I didn't mean that... I.."

"It's alright. Just come with me."

"B-But-" His grandfather wouldn't take no for an answer as he dragged him down the stairs by the wrist; Lovino looking behind him to get help from his younger brother.

"Feliciano! Tell him to stop!"

Feliciano shook his head, wiping away some of his tears, "Lovi... I just want you to get better."

And now Lovino Vargas was forced in the back of his grandfather's car, being taken to who knows where to be treated like shit. Tears welled up in his eyes and he laid down on the old, leather seats, closing his eyes and hoping that this was all a nightmare and that he would wake up soon.

But, somehow, he knew that wasn't the case.


	2. Chapter 2

Every second seemed to linger for far too long, and every minute that passed felt like an eternity. The scenery outside Lovino's window was unfamiliar to him, and he knew that they weren't anywhere near home. Carefully, he sat up from his spot in the seat, rubbing his swollen eyes that stung from all of the tears he had shed previously.

"Where the hell are you taking me?"

He asked hoarsely, but didn't receive an answer for several moments; only making him more frustrated with the situation.

"Answer me, dammit! Where are you-"

"Look for yourself."

The Italian refrained from speaking for the time being and peeked around the corner they were turning, noticing a large parking lot come into view. Gigantic buildings were scattered all over, and they all seemed dull and boring. His skepticism only increased as one of the signs flew right by him, and trying to read it, he noticed the large word "Hospital". Panic surged through his veins as one of the buildings neared them - his grandfather driving right into a parking space near the door. Lovino didn't move an inch. Mostly because of the fear he felt, but also because of his determination to stay inside the vehicle.

"Come on." His grandfather softly said, getting out of the car and expecting his grandson to follow. When he didn't, he came around to the other side, opening Lovino's door and reaching a hand to him.

"N-No. You can't make me! I don't need to go to a hospital!"

"Lovino, please just-"

"I'm not f-fucking insane!" He wailed, tears steadily rolling down his reddened cheeks, "Just take me home!"

"Lovino. Look at me. Now." His grandfather demanded sternly, lifting Lovino's chin so that he was forced to look into his eyes.

"Do you trust yourself?"

He paused, still sobbing, but scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. "W-What...?"

"It's a simple question. Do you trust yourself? Enough to not hurt yourself or others?"

"I-I.."

"Be honest Lovino. I won't hate you for it. You know that."

Silence grew between them for numerous seconds as Lovino processed the question, wondering how he should answer. The truth was, he knew he couldn't trust himself. His emotions would always get the better of him, and that caused his behavior to go out of hand. Instead of properly answering, he jerked away from his grandfather's hand, looking down into his lap with eyes full of shame.

"Lovi.." Lovino turned his head so that he didn't have to meet his grandfather's gaze, "You think I want this to happen to you? You think I want you to feel so horribly? I know you don't want to be here, and I don't want you here either, but what I do want is for you to get better. To be happy about yourself and your family. Can't you see that Feliciano loves you? That I love you?"

He shook his head, more tears falling, "N-No. I don't see it." He muttered, choking back more tears, "You all hate me."

"We don't. We never will hate you."

"I'm a d-disappointment. And don't try t-to convince me otherwise."

His grandfather sighed heavily, resting his hand on his grandson's knee, "Tell me something. Do you like feeling this way?"

"No..."

"Do you want to get better?"

"I-I don't know.."

"Well at least you're undecided... Please, Lovi, this can only help you. And unfortunately, I'm not going to let you go home. My mind is made up, no matter how painful it may be for the both of us. Now you can either come in with me, or I'll drag you in there."

Still an emotional mess, and at this point it was only getting worse, Lovino slammed the car door shut and strolled in front of his grandfather angrily, clenching his fists and feeling himself beginning to break.

"I-I don't need to be in a fucking hospital. I'm f-fine!" He hissed to himself, kicking the door to the hospital open violently. The women behind the desk jerked up at the sudden intrusion and Lovino approached the desk with a scowl on his face. "Look, I don't need to be here. Convince my damn grandpa that I'm fine so I can go home."

"A-Ah, goodness Lovino! Why are you so angry?"

"Shut up and take me home."

The blonde nurse cleared her throat, and all attention was directed towards her. "I assume you are trying to admit him to the hospital?" She asked as kindly as possible, noticing Lovino flinch at the word.

"Yes.."

"Right over here please. Are you the guardian?"

"Yes, I am."

"Alright. We need you to read over these documents and sign them, and I'll also need some information." She turned towards the fuming Italian, politely waving a finger in front of his face to get his attention. "U-Um, what is your name sweetie?"

His eye twitched at the horrible nickname, and he couldn't help but scoff. "Tsk. Lovino."

"I like your name. You can sit in the waiting chairs, Lovino."

"Whatever. Better than being around anyone else."

"Lovino?"

An unfamiliar voice called, forcing his head to look up from the carpet he was staring so longingly at. "Che?"

"Oh! There you are." She responded, and the girl came around the corner, wearing a lovely dress with ruffles around the edges. Her hair was a light shade of blonde and only went down to her shoulders, and on top was a headband fit perfectly to her head.

"I'm Laura. Can you come with me please?"

"..Fine. That means once this damn thing is over with, I can go home right?"

The nurse named Laura awkwardly chuckled, looking behind her shoulder to see the Italian frowning with his arms slumped across his chest.

"We'll see... The hospital is very nice though."

Lovino rolled his eyes, losing patience with her, "Oh great, thanks for the encouragement." He murmured sarcastically beneath his breath, following her into a room with only a table and two chairs. The door was shut behind them, the harsh light was turned on, and she took a seat with a clipboard in hand. "Here's a seat for you." She said kindly, pulling it out from under the table and he reluctantly sat down.

"So, I'm going to be asking some questions, and I need you to answer completely honestly, alright?"

He didn't respond. He simply stared at the table with an expressionless face, although inside his heart was beating furiously with anxiousness.

"We'll start off easy. Full name?"

"Lovino Vargas."

"Oh, where are you from?"

"Southern Italy."

"I've heard it's gorgeous there. I'm from Belgium."

"Hm."

She blinked several times, wanting to make things comfortable for him but clearly failing.

"U-Um, age?"

"Twenty-three."

"Gender?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, "Sorry, I have to ask."

"I'm a male."

"Birthday?"

"March seventeenth."

"Height?"

"Look, I don't fucking know. Can you stop it with the stupid questions already?!"

"I'm sorry Lovino, I hate doing this to you, but it's my job. I'm only trying to help.." He took a deep breath, focusing on how his nails were digging into his palms from clenching his fists so tightly. "I know you're nervous, but you can trust me. This is all for your benefit. Now.. What brought you here?"

"My bastard of a grandfather."

"No, no. Not who. What?"

Lovino shrugged his shoulders, refusing to answer the question. "I really don't know."

"Well then, answer this. What happened before you came here? Something must have triggered you."

"...I guess I got angry."

"Explain?"

"Well my stupid brother brought his 'friend' over, that I hate-"

"Woah, hold on. What do you mean when you say friend?"

"Fine. They're lovers, okay?"

"Ah," She scribbled something down in her notepad, "So you don't like her?"

"It's a guy."

"My mistake. You don't like him?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because then no one talks to me. I'm shoved aside."

"Now we're getting somewhere.. Your grandfather mentioned anger."

"Of course he did.."

"Is it true though? Do you get angry a lot?"

"..I guess."

"What do you usually do about it?"

"Slam things, break things, hurt others.."

"Do you hurt yourself?"

Lovino squirmed uncomfortably in his seat and the sudden question, "S-Si..."

Again, she wrote things down on her notepad, "I see. Have you ever had thoughts of ending your life?"

He went quiet, feeling his heart quicken dramatically. He honestly didn't know if he could deny it. "Yes." 

"Did you have a plan?"

"Yes."

"What was it?"

"I-I don't want to talk about this anymore..."

"You're going to have to eventually. Do you still want to end your life?"

"Y-Yes."

"Do you trust yourself Lovino?"

As the question arose again, Lovino looked up tearfully into Laura's saddened green eyes. There was no way he could lie.

"No. I d-don't trust myself around anyone or m-myself."

Solemnly, she nodded, writing down any other necessary information before standing up; forcing herself to smile. "Please stay here for a few minutes. I'll be back."

When she turned around she shut the door behind her gently, leaving Lovino sitting alone in the room that seemed to be closing in around him. He couldn't breathe, he could hardly see due to his blurry vision, and hatred for himself, his family, the hospital and everyone else began to creep inside of his mind. His head collapsed onto the table loudly and he attempted to cradle himself with his arms. Darkness closed in, and through bitter sobs he cried, "Please.. Just let me go home.."


	3. Chapter 3

The door opened, and his heart sank. He honestly didn't know if he was ready to hear what she was going to say. Her smile seemed fake, and Lovino's grandfather stood behind her; his eyes puffy and red.

"Lovino? Will you follow me?"

His blood went cold despite his heart pounding behind his ribs.  _No.._  He told himself,  _She's just joking. I'm going home. I'm fine._

"Lovino..? I know you don't want to, but it's for your benefit."

A familiar hand reached out to him, and he slowly looked up with terror in his hazel eyes. His grandfather gently smiled, but obvious pain was behind his facade.

"I'm here, Lovi. Just take my hand."

His mind was spinning - enough to make his vision go blurry. His mind was telling him to run away and never look back, but his caretaker's loving eyes caused his body to move on its own. Trembling, the Italian took his hand and began to stand up; clinging to his grandfather for support.

Laura led them up a flight of stairs, and with each step Lovino realized he was getting further away from home. He was screaming protests in his head, but he was physically speechless. Everything seemed in slow-motion, every wall was closing in, and his body was shaking uncontrollably in absolute fear. He was led down a white-walled hallway, people walking passed in blurs, and finally he was facing a large metal door that had a lock bolted on the surface. Laura took out a key and turned it in the lock - an audible click echoing in his ears. He was dragged inside and a cold draft washed over him. He was told to sit down with his grandfather and, surprisingly, he did as he was told. The shock that he was experiencing caused him to stay frozen in his cold seat.

A new person walked over to him, his face oddly cheerful, and his hair stuck up wildly when Lovino took a closer look. The man plopped down in the seat next to him, going to shake Lovino's hand, but when he didn't respond, he awkwardly pulled away. "I'm Mathias. Lovino, right?"

He nodded, not looking him in the eye. "Alrighty. Nice to meet you! I'll be with you here, so I'm sure I'll get to know you better. Anyway, I'm here to go over some rules with you."

"Do you ever stop talking?"

"Hardly~" Mathias obliviously responded, smiling widely, "I'll try to keep things short though." Lovino watched as a book slid in his direction. It was labeled simply as "Writing Journal" and he was directed to open it to the first page.

_General Rules:_

_\- Each morning you are required to wake up at 7:30 AM_

_\- You must maintain your personal hygiene - taking care of yourself is important (Deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrush, shampoo and a comb is available if necessary. However, razors are forbidden)_

_\- Respect is one of the most important factors. Be respectful to both the staff and others in the unit_

_\- Personal information (email, numbers, addresses, etc) cannot be shared whatsoever to keep your privacy and other's_

_Daily Schedule:_

_6:00 AM : Vitals are taken_

_7:30 AM : Wake-up_

_8:00 AM : Breakfast_

_8:40 : Psyc. Ed. Group_

"What is that?"

I'll explain in a moment."

_9:30 AM : Break_

_10:00 AM : Journaling_

_11:00 AM : Therapy (Music, art, etc)_

_12:00 PM : Lunch_

_12:45 PM : Psyc. Ed. Group_

_1:30 PM : Break_

_2:30 PM : Journaling_

_3:00 PM : Snack_

_3:45 PM : Psyc. Ed. Group_

_5:00 PM : Dinner_

_5:30 - 6:30 PM : Visitation_

_7:00 PM : Talk about visitation_

_7:30 PM : Psyc. Ed. Group_

_8:15 PM : Showers/Hygiene_

_9:00 PM : Bed (lights out by 9:30)_

"Lovino, are you alright?"

He didn't even remember when he started crying. Tears were running down his pale face as he looked up at Mathias, expecting a critical comment, but was surprised to see him smile sympathetically.

"It's alright, I understand. It's an emotional time for you."

Lovino nodded, looking down at the droplets staining his new book. His grandfather had a hand on his knee and rubbed it soothingly, trying to be as supportive as possible.

"Oh, I forgot to mention, you can bring him clothes and his toothpaste, toothbrush, comb and things like that. Jackets and pants can't have drawstrings though. I would bring him comfy clothes."

He slightly smiled, looking first at Lovino and then at his grandfather.

"I'll let you say your goodbyes. But you'll see him at five-thirty, okay?"

Lovino knew this time would come, but how did it come so soon? He started crying even harder as he was pulled into a hug; tears dripping onto his grandfather's soft shirt. "I want t-to go home!" He wailed, clutching onto his back.

"I know you do, Lovi. You'll be home soon."

* * *

"Alright, now we'll have to give you some scrubs."

"Scrubs?"

"Temporary clothes. Everyone has to wear them their first day. I assume you're a small.."

Mathias led him to a large cabinet, unlocking it with a small key, and inside were light blue shirts and pants. They were, quite literally, made of paper and when he was handed his pair, they felt extremely itchy.

"And if you'll follow me I need to check your blood pressure, weight, height, and then I'll show you your room and let you change."

After going through the whole process of what one might do at a regular check up, he walked through the "lounge" area; eyes following him as he walked. He followed Mathias nervously into his new "room" - which only consisted of two small beds, metal cabinets bolted to the wall, and the smallest bathroom he had ever seen. It didn't even have a door. Just a slidable curtain that hardly let him have privacy. The sink was stuck in the corner, the toilet was right next to it, the mirror was warped and fading, and the shower could hardly fit the shower head let alone a person.

"Lovino? Are you going to change?"

"Are you going to fucking watch me?"

"I have to," Mathias explained, "I need to chart what's on your body."

Lovino slightly flushed at this, raising an eyebrow skeptically, but decided not to question it. He slipped off his clothes and was about to put on the scrubs when Mathias cut in.

"Hold on - turn towards me please."

"What the hell?"

"I know it's awkward, but it's protocol.."

Embarrassed and ashamed, Lovino turned, revealing the fresh slashes along his arms and legs for the first time. Some still had dried blood on his skin, and he looked away from Mathias who was writing these things down.

"You can get dressed now. When you're done, come on out and introduce yourself to the others. Don't worry, they're very nice!"

With a smile, Mathias left, and Lovino was alone once more. He silently pulled on the itchy clothes, staring at his solemn state in the mirror. He looked pathetic. Tears stained his cheeks, his wounds were out in the open for everyone to see and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it; Mathias had confiscated his other clothes.

Slowly, he walked back out to the open space that consisted of a few tables and desks, and in the middle were couches surrounded by chairs. They formed a semi-circle that faced a television. Currently, a movie was playing. Lovino hesitantly sat down in an empty chair, and instantly he was bombarded with questions from a blonde sitting across from him. He wore rimmed glasses and red, white and blue pants. He also had his legs crossed and a smile beamed on his pale face.

"Sup? What's your name?"

Lovino didn't respond. He sat quietly, looking down into his lap.

"Not much of a talker, huh?"

"Give him a break Alfred." Another voice chimed in, this one more accented and warm, "He's probably anxious."

"That's true I guess. But he could at least give us his name."

"We could introduce ourselves first.."

Someone said next to him, but Lovino didn't bother looking up until the obnoxious voice started up again.

"Good idea! I'm Alfred! I'm here because I hate myself and everyone hates me. I tried to kill myself." Lovino was shocked. How could he say that so casually? And with a smile as well?

"I'm Antonio," The warm voice said, and Lovino turned to look at him. He was tan, his hair was handsomely shaggy, and his eyes were a beautiful green, "I'm here because I'm an alcoholic, thank to self-esteem issues. Oh, I'm from Spain."

"I'm from America!"

"I figured that out on my own." Lovino hissed, and Antonio chuckled softly. He then turned towards the man sitting next to the Italian, and Lovino's gaze followed. This man had longer brown hair, and he gave the appearance that he was nervous.

"I'm Toris. I'm here because I was abused, and I tried to commit suicide... I'm from Lithuania."

Lovino nodded, looking towards the last person - a girl. Her hair was long and white, and she hugged her knees to her chest, not looking at any one of them.

"Who's that?"

"Oh," Alfred chimed in, "That's Natalia. She's here for attempted homicide and suicide."

"Ah.."

"And you?"

Lovino looked up, trying not to show much emotion like the others had done. "I-I'm Lovino. I'm here because o-of extreme anger issues, self-mutilation, and I tried t-to kill myself.."

Antonio tilted his head, giving him a soft smile of understanding, "See? You aren't any different from the rest of us. I promise we won't judge you at all."

"Yeah! Welcome to our group!"

Toris rolled his eyes, "I wouldn't call it a 'group' Alfred.. But, yeah, welcome."

The Italian blinked, looking at all of them before heaving a sigh.

"Grazie, I guess..."


	4. Chapter 4

It was a brief introduction, sure, but Lovino felt a bit more comforted by the fact that these people were a lot like him. Not to say he was getting used to being in a mental hospital but.. It seemed just an ounce less horrible.

 _So, I'm in a group huh? At least they don't hate me yet. They probably will though. Everyone fucking does._ He thought to himself, resting his head in his hands.

He was cut off from his thoughts as an unfamiliar voice made itself known.

"Alfred?"

"Yo!"

"The doctor wants to see you."

Lovino turned around to watch Alfred approach a new face - his was more soft and inviting.

"Who's that?"

"One of our other therapists, Emil."

"How many are there?"

"Five or six. Not including Doctor Feliks. But they switch sometimes."

He nodded, noticing out of the corner of his eye that Toris had subtly shifted in his seat.

"Is he scary or something?"

Antonio chuckled, winking at the Lithuanian who looked away embarrassedly.

"No, amigo. Toris here has a little crush on him."

"I do not!" He argued, cheeks turning red, "He's too blunt and rude. Why would I like him?"

Even Natalia managed a small smile of amusement.

"Oh, come on, you know you like him."

"I don't!"

"You do."

"I-"

"Look, I hate to interrupt, but you're fucking annoying." Lovino spat, rolling his hazel eyes in annoyance as the two slumped into their chairs, muttering apologies, "Can you just explain who everyone is?"

"Ah, sure. Over there," He pointed towards the silver-haired male who was leading Alfred, "Is Emil as I said before. He's pretty nice, but doesn't show much emotion. He's very sympathetic, but kind of awkward too.. Next," Antonio looked around and then pointed towards Mathias.

"I already know Matthias."

"Oh! That makes things easier. Then, that's Berwald." He directed Lovino's attention towards a blonde sitting behind the front desk, typing away at the computer with a scowl on his face. He had glasses perched on his nose and piercing blue eyes that were almost intimidating.

"He seems scary, but he's a softie at heart. He just doesn't know how to communicate well, and he really doesn't talk much. When he does, he has this funny verbal tick. And he has a thing for another worker right... There." Lovino saw another man come from a door and, smiling, he came behind Berwald and laid a hand on his shoulder. Berwald's cheeks turned pink, and he looked away as if ashamed about how he felt.

"That's Tino. He's super nice and is friendly to everyone. He sometimes starts crying when he hears our stories. But, he's also pretty stern about rules. And lastly, we have Lukas. Not sure where he is, but you'll know him when you see him. He's pretty cold and very strict. He doesn't have much tolerance for us, but at times he can be nice. Only if you're on his good side... And that's it for now."

"Grazie." Lovino murmured, trying to wrap his head around the different personalities of each therapist, and how he was going to convince them that he was fine to go home. He pulled his knees up to his chest, and the Spaniard next to him could sense his uneasiness.

"So.. Lovino, will you tell me a bit about yourself?" Antonio asked softly, tilting his head.

"Why?"

"J-Just to get to know you better, is all. Like, how old are you?"

"Why the hell should I tell you that?"

"I'm just curious, is all.."

Lovino huffed, looking out in front of him at a round table, "Fine. I'm twenty-three."

"I'm twenty-five." Antonio responded, smiling widely now. "Um.. What's your favorite food?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"What?"

"I'm Italian."

"So.. Pasta? I love tomatoes."

"Tomatoes?"

"Si. They're delicious."

"You're fucking weird."

He chuckled, nodding his head of brown hair, "I know I am. In a good way?"

"Think what you want.." Lovino replied with a shrug, snickering at his own remark, and surprisingly, Antonio laughed softly as well.

"Hey everyone, lunch is here." Tino said behind the desk, smiling at the newcomer and motioning Lovino to come up to him. "I don't think we've met. I'm Tino, nice to meet you!" Lovino awkwardly shook his hand, mumbling his name before going to get lunch in the line. They were all required to wash their hands first, and as protocol the ladies had to get their food first. Even though the only one currently was Natalia. Either way, they all went through and got their average-looking food. Lovino found a small table to sit at, and of course Antonio was the first to sit next to him.

"You just aren't going to leave me alone, are you?" He asked him, not even looking Antonio in the eye.

"Do you want me to?"

"Well I certainly like my space."

"Oh...I'll leave you alone then, si?" The Spaniard's voice got quieter as he spoke, and suddenly he stood up again, walking over to join Toris who was sitting with Natalia.

And once more Lovino was alone. But, this time, it was his own fault. He had pushed away the only person willing to talk to him.

"Dammit.." He cursed to himself, stabbing his food with his fork, and suddenly he was no longer hungry. He pushed the plate in front of him, looking around the dull facility and feeling sicker than before. "I guess I do belong here." He told himself, sighing with regret and anger towards himself, "I'm a fucking mess."


	5. Chapter 5

"Lovino? Aren't you going to eat?"

"Not hungry."

"You need to eat something.."

"I'm not fucking hungry."

"Even if you aren't, please just try? You can't go without eating."

Lovino scoffed, turning away from the therapist, Tino, and completely ignoring him. He was too upset to eat, let alone obey anyone else's demands.

"You do know we have to monitor you, right?"

"I don't care."

"..Alright."

Finally giving up to the Italian's rude demeanor, Tino walked back behind the large front desk, writing something down and whispering to Berwald next to him. He knew eyes were staring at him, but Lovino couldn't care less. All he wanted was his warm bed, and people to treat him like a human being - not an insane freak. Just as everyone, besides him, were finishing their lunches, Alfred came out of a separate room with a large smile on his face. He got a plate of food, and sat with the others.

"Think you're going home soon?" Antonio asked him, and the American started to laugh loudly.

"Fuck no, dude! They said my medicine isn't working, so I have to switch it again. That means I'm here for another great week." Rolling his blue eyes, Alfred ate heartily, even going up for seconds after a while. Just watching him eat so much made Lovino want to throw up. He didn't know if he could even keep down water.

"Alright everyone, besides Alfred, come with me. You can finish eating."

Alfred nodded, his face full of food, and the others rose from their spots to place their dirty dishes in a large metal basket of sorts. Lovino followed suit, throwing the food he didn't even touch away, and placing the plate on top of the others. He followed Tino back towards the area with the couches, and the four of them sat down in their individual spots. "Alright," the small man started, crossing his legs with a small smile, "Let's start off with names, why you are here, and... Favorite color."

"Favorite color?"

"Yeah! It's a way to lighten the mood. Antonio, can you start?"

"Si. Well, I'm Antonio, and I'm here for being an alcoholic and suicidal thoughts and actions." Lovino looked away, already feeling overwhelmed. How was he supposed to share without getting emotional? "My favorite color is... Green."

"Thanks. Next?"

"I'm Toris, and I'm here because of abuse and suicide attempts. My favorite color is probably a light yellow."

"Like a dandelion color?"

"Yeah, that's the one." Tino smiled brightly nodding and then looking towards Natalia. She was sulking in her chair, but surprisingly she sat up, "I'm Natalia," She started in a thick accent which was surprising to Lovino, "I'm here because I tried to murder someone and tried to kill myself."

The Italian shuddered at the statement, but tried his best to hide it. He didn't understand how  _she_ could try to kill someone...

"My favorite color is navy blue."

"And last, but not least?"

He was hardly paying attention until Antonio nudged him in the arm, and his head snapped up, "I-I'm Lovino. I'm here because..." He paused, feeling his heart begin to race and the emotions building up. "Shit.." Tino's expression softened, and he nodded in understanding.

"Hey, it's alright. Cry if you need to. We understand."

"I-I'm not crying... I'm h-here because I try to hurt others, I hurt m-myself, and I tried to commit suicide." Wiping his eyes, he took a shuddering breath, regaining his composure and he felt a squeeze on his shoulder. It was Antonio, clearly trying to make him feel better. "My favorite color is.. Orange. A dark orange."

"Any reason why?"

"No, not really. It's just nice, I guess?"

"Well that's good enough~ So, to begin-"

"Excuse me, I believe you forgot the most important person!" A voice chimed in, and rapid footsteps followed, "The Hero~!"

"Ah, of course. We'd never forget you." The others chuckled, including Lovino, and Alfred jumped over one of the seats; promptly landing in it.

"My name is Alfred! I'm here because I hate myself, and everyone hates me, and I tried to kill myself over four times."

_Four times...?_

"Favorite color... Can I have three?"

"I can only guess what they are," Tino teased, "Red, wh-"

"Red, white and blue!"

"Thought so."

He laughed to himself, proudly brushing back his blonde hair except for one strand that stood up.

"Anyway, let's move on. We're going to talk about ways to cope today."

Lovino tilted his head, already confused, and Tino caught on. "I'll explain in a second, don't worry. Basically, coping is a way to deal with your emotions in a positive way, rather than a negative. Can any of you think of ways you calm down?"

"I like to sleep." Lovino muttered, shrugging his shoulders, and the others let out amused laughs; a blush making his cheeks light up.

"Well that certainly works! Any physical ways though?"

"Running?"

"Sure!"

"How about hitting something?" Alfred asked, and Tino thought about it before replying.

"Well, yes, but in a sport perhaps. Maybe baseball?"

"Oooo yeah! Baseball is awesome man."

"Any others?"

"What about doing something you like? Maybe taking a walk, or playing an instrument, listening to music..."

"Exactly Toris! And all of you. Those are great ways. Now, let's say you're really angry. Like, out of control. What do you do to calm yourself down?"

"...Destroy something." Natalia mumbled, messing with the chair, and Tino blinked.

"Not quite.. That could potentially hurt you or someone around you. What if you hit a pillow? Or, like we said earlier, do a sport involving hitting an object?"

"Sometimes I kick my football around." Antonio said with a subtle smile, and Alfred looked at him like that was the strangest sentence in the world.

"Who the hell kicks a football?"

"What else would you do with it?" Lovino asked, scrunching his eyebrows together,

"Uh, throw it?"

"You don't throw a fucking football. Or, sorry,  _soccer ball._ "

"Ohhh that's what you're talking about?"

"American football isn't even football, bastard."

"Alright, enough about the sports," Tino interrupted, not wanting the debate to get too out of hand, "Let's stay on task here. Another good way to cope is by keeping a journal, or just writing how you feel down. Do any of you do that?"

None of them answered. They simply sat, shrugging their shoulders.

"Well, we can start today! Before you go to bed, write down some emotions you felt today and why. That's your homework. Sound good?"

Muffled sounds of agreement filled the room.

"Good." Tino clapped his hands together, standing up and everyone looked at him, "I'll let you guys have a break. We'll have another group session in a while. Just try not to get too noisy."

"So, you guys want to play a card game or something?"

"Sure, why not. Yo, Lovino, wanna play?"

"No thanks."

"You can watch if you'd like?"

"I'm fine."

"You can-"

Antonio butt in, glaring at Alfred, "Just leave him alone. He's been through so much today."

"..Alright. You can join us if you want to though."

Barely nodding, Lovino sunk down in his seat, staring at his lap and messing with his thumbs. The only ones left were him and Natalia, and she was in the same state he was. Depressed and lonely. He would glance up at her, and she would just be staring at the floor completely expressionless. It was almost eery.

Just as the quiet was beginning to lull him to sleep, a sudden pounding made him jolt, and he looked behind him to see where the noise was coming from. "N-No! Let me go!" A voice cried out, wavering, and Lovino peered around the corner, trying to see who the voice belonged to. Alfred and Antonio simply turned their heads, and with a smile Alfred asked,

"We have a new guy?"

Antonio nodded, trying to get a better look,

"Yeah. We have a new guy."


	6. Chapter 6

"What does he look like?"

"Do we know his name?"

"Dude, quit shoving. Lemme see."

"You're the one shoving!"

Lovino was trying to get a good look at this new person who was currently yelling loudly towards Berwald, who simply stood with a plain look on his face. It was obvious that he didn't want to be here; he was practically trying to escape by clawing at the Swedish therapist. Tears were rolling down his face, he was stumbling in Berwald's grip, and he looked down towards the floor ashamed. He had sandy blonde hair, and when he finally was forced to lift his head, the Italian could see the biggest eyebrows you could ever imagine. Yet, somehow they worked on him.

Alfred leaned forward in his chair, watching the new man getting his weight and height checked. "Hey! Berwald!"

"Hm?"

"What's his name!"

"He can tell you h'mself."

Heaving an annoyed sigh, Alfred rolled his eyes, "Okay then. What's your name?"

He didn't respond. He was too busy sniffling and wiping away at his eyes. Antonio pushed Alfred back in his chair, causing a loud thud to echo in the room. "Just give him some time. He just got here."

"Yeah, yeah. I was just curious..."

Lovino was kind of relieved he wasn't the only new person. He felt so lonely because he didn't quite know how things worked around here... But he wasn't the newbie anymore at least.

After he had changed into his scrubs, the blonde was forced to sit in with the rest of them; right next to Lovino. The Italian glanced over at him, waiting for him to calm down before even attempting to speak to him. He was about to open his mouth, when the man started to tremble, clutching his hair and tugging it harshly.

"L-Leave me alone!" He screeched in his heavy British accent, more tears dripping onto his lap, "I said go away!"

Lovino gaped. He hadn't even said anything yet, and this person was already telling him to get out of his space. Confusion hit him, and he found his heart beating a bit faster.

"S-Stop yelling at me!"

"I-I'm not-"

"Don't t-touch me!"

"C-Cosa?"

A sudden sound of footsteps came around the corner, and looking up, Lovino saw it was Tino with a look of concern on his face. He squeezed through the seats and crouched in front of the Brit, holding his shoulders and shaking him. "Arthur! Arthur, look at me! It's alright!"

"N-No, they're coming t-to kill me!"

"They aren't real Arthur! I  _am_ , so look at me!"

Slowly, the man named Arthur looked up into Tino's eyes, taking deep and uncertain breaths. Tino let go of him, hesitantly, and instead laid a hand on his knee.

"T-They say they want me to die.."

"Shh, Arthur, they don't exist.."

"The v-voices..."

"I know."

"..won't stop.."

The whole room was silent and tense as the rest of them watched; most of them either wide-eyed, or solemnly watching the scene play on. Lovino actually felt rather bad for him.

"He must be going through hell..." He heard Alfred whisper towards Antonio, who shushed him in return. Lovino tried not to stare, so he turned away, looking into his lap. The others wandered back towards the lounge area to talk to Arthur, but only after he was feeling better.

"Tell yourself they aren't real."

"B-But they are!"

"They aren't, Arthur."

He jerked away from Tino's grip angrily, obviously aggravated that he didn't believe him. The therapist simply frowned, standing up and walking back towards his position behind the front desk.

After a few seconds, the silence was broken. "..Arthur, right?" Alfred chimed in, tilting his head. The male's head jerked up in his direction, and he slightly flinched, as if afraid of the obnoxious American. "H-Hey, I'm not gonna hurt you." He reassured, and Arthur nodded without speaking. He was scratching at his arm until it turned raw, and Lovino scrunched his eyebrows together; that was something he did as well.

"I'm Alfred."

"Antonio."

"Toris."

"N-Natalia."

"Lovino."

Arthur didn't even make note that he was listening. He was too busy scratching at his skin, and the Italian noticed blood started to seep from his arm. "H-Hey.."

Antonio shook his head, cutting Lovino off and he refrained from speaking. It was best not to speak to him right now, he decided silently, and they all sat in an uncomfortable silence.

"I..I want to leave." Arthur mumbled, looking at the others with red, puffy eyes. Alfred chuckled, nodding his head.

"Don't we all?"


	7. Chapter 7

The sun was starting to set now, not that anyone could tell. All existence of the outside world was blocked off anyway, so none of the patients or doctors alike could see the lovely oranges and pinks scattering across the darkening sky. Lovino was already starting to get extremely tired by the time visiting hours came around, and he was practically asleep in the chair he was sitting in when a knock at the front door echoed throughout the whole unit.

"Dammit, Feliciano, g-get out of my room...Bastard."

"Rise and shine princess, your'e in the hospital!"

Almost falling out of his chair at the obnoxious yelling in his ear, Lovino jolted awake, glaring at Alfred who was laughing hysterically at his own joke. According to the schedule they were all given, it was just around visiting hours.

"Lovino?" A voice piped up, belonging to Tino, "Your grandfather and brother are here to see you. Oh, and Alfred?"

"What's up?"

"Your brother called earlier. He won't be able to come today, but he said he can call you later."

The American stared ahead, his face losing its usual cheeriness, and he suddenly went completely quiet. "M-Mattie isn't coming..? This is the third time he's cancelled.."

Lovino stood groggily, watching Alfred slump down into the couch, and honestly he felt kind of bad for him. He wouldn't admit such a thing, but he still muttered a soft apology regardless. Arthur, who finally lifted his head from his lap, looked over at Alfred who was now on the verge of tears.

"At least you have someone willing to talk to you." The Brit said softly, resulting in Alfred looking up at him, "I'm insane. Who would ever want to talk to Arthur Kirkland?"

"I-I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to-"

"Forget it. I'm just stupidly complaining."

Turning away from the scene altogether, Lovino walked towards the dining room area, seeing two familiar faces make their way inside. The Italian stopped, his hazel eyes finding his brother's amber ones, and suddenly he was tackled onto the tiled floor in a bone-crushing hug. His lungs felt like they were on fire by the time Lovino managed to pry his younger brother off.

"F-Fratello! You aren't dead!"

"Why the fuck would I be dead?!"

"This place is scary, and I thought that-"

Lovino sat back up, seeing all eyes glued on him, and he slapped his palm over Feliciano's mouth to shut him up. "Yeah, yeah, just get off of me!"

"Ve.."

The two brothers clung onto one another and Lovino made his way back towards their Grandfather who was now sitting at a small table in the corner of the room. He messed with his clothes nervously as he was stared down, and he made an effort to look away - avoiding anyone's eyes, if that was possible.

"So.. I brought your stuff."

Lovino slightly looked up, seeing a pile of clothes in his hands. "Grazie, I guess." And, as expected, all three of them sat in an awkward silence, looking between each other and attempting to be civil. Feliciano was fidgeting with his hands and Lovino was just sitting there stilly, trying not to lose control in the situation at hand.

"..How are you?"

"Fine."

"Lovino, please be honest."

"I'm fine. I want to go home."

"I know you do, but we want you to get better first."

"I told you," Lovino was starting to get frustrated now, his face turning a bit pink as his heart rate started to increase, "I'm  _fine!_ You just refuse to believe it!"

"You hurt yourself, and others! How is that considered 'fine'?"

His fist pounded onto the surface of the table, causing it to shake, "Fuck you. Fuck you both. It's all your fault! You just don't give two shits about me!"

"Lovin-"

"Don't try to sugarcoat it assholes! What am I to you?! Trash!?"

"F-Fratello..."

"Just get out. Now." He stressed his words loudly, trying to make his point clear, which, clearly, worked. Feliciano was trembling in his seat, clutching onto his Grandfather who rubbed his back in soothing circles.

"It's alright, Feliciano. It isn't your fault."

"Oh, feeding him lies is just  _perfect_. Bastard!"

* * *

"So, it sounded like it went great!"

Just as he walked back into the lounge, Lovino was greeted with the obnoxious laughter coming from Alfred who was right on his tail. He didn't want to be treated this way; especially after his horrible visit.

"Shut the fuck up." He hissed towards the blonde, and he actually backed off, with the help of Antonio dragging him back towards his seat. Said Spaniard starting slowly walking towards him, sitting next to Lovino who had his arms crossed bitterly into his chest.

"Hey, are you alright?"

He didn't respond. If he did, he knew he would blow up again. He didn't want to hurt anyone else. He had hurt his brother enough.. Just the look on his face practically snapped his heart in half. Why did he have to say those things? Sure, he thought they were true but.. He didn't want to be so horrible to his younger brother who was only trying to help.

"Lovino? You don't have to respond. I just want you to know that I'm here to talk, if you need it, yeah?"

Again, no reply. He sat, staring forward into nothingness. Antonio took that as his cue to leave, and he lightly patted the Italian's shoulders before returning to his spot next to Alfred who was currently talking Arthur's ear off.

Slightly looking up towards his "friends" of sorts, Lovino nodded towards Antonio who gave him a warm smile, and suddenly he felt a bit better knowing that someone,  _someone,_ was willing to listen to all of his bullshit.

"Alright, time for showers everyone." A lower voice said, walking towards them, who happened to be the Norwegian therapist named Lukas.

"Oh, um, does Lovino have a roommate?"

He stopped looking at Antonio who was talking, then turned back around to consult with his brother behind the front desk. "Lovino, you're rooming with Antonio. You can pick who takes a shower first."

"You can go ahead Lovi. It's been a long day for you I assume, so take your time."

The Italian blinked, standing up reluctantly and went to gather a few towels from a bin near his room. They felt old and worn out, but he supposed it was better than nothing. Next, he went to grab a large tub they were all provided with some shampoo, a toothbrush, comb, and other basic needs. Finally, he went to his - well, he and Antonio's - room and took out a familiar pair of sweatpants and a blank tank top.

He slid the curtain to a close and turned on the water to the shower that only got to a lukewarm temperature before it gave up, and the water was hardly coming out of the shower head at all. He stripped down and waited just a bit longer before getting inside. He didn't want to be cramped in such a small, dark space with only his thoughts keeping him company. That's what got him in trouble in the first place. That's how he got to the hospital...

Eventually he forced himself inside and shivered at the cold water dripping down his back. It wasn't anything like home. In fact, it was the complete opposite. At least at home he was a bit more comfortable. Here, well, he was convinced he was in the deepest pits of hell.

And, at that thought, he could feel his eyes begin to sting with unnecessary tears that already started to drip down his face. Luckily he was in the shower so no one could see him cry but... He couldn't help but feel extremely pathetic. He was just standing there, clutching himself, scratching at his arms - crying. He felt so helpless and lost, and he didn't know what to do anymore. He couldn't tell if he was going to get better or worse, because, quite frankly, he felt even more depressed than ever before.

Losing balance and his sense of direction, he slid down the grimy, tiled wall, sitting on the floor and let the water stream over his bare body. He blankly stared at the ground beneath him and tried to focus on the noises, the smells,  _something_ other than his emotional state of mind. But everything around him only made it worse. After all, he was in a hospital for being absolutely insane..

A soft knock was heard after several minutes and Lovino's head involuntarily jerked towards the noise. "L-Lovino? Are you alright?"

It was Antonio. He cleared his throat and croaked a response. "Si. I-I'm alright."

"Okay.. Well, um, I hate to rush you but.. It's getting close to lights out and I just need my turn..."

Lovino started to stand up, clutching the shower head for support, "I'll be right out then." He muttered, and Antonio issued a soft word of thanks before disappearing again. He turned off the water, grabbed the towel on the dampened floor and started to dry himself off slowly.

Just by looking in the mirror at his horrid reflection, he could tell this was going to be one of the longest nights of his life.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Usually the evening was Lovino's favorite time of day. He could finally slip into his bed, snuggle down into the warmth, and fall asleep for hours and hours without a care in the world. Instead, he was stuck staring down at a small, twin-sized bed hardly big enough for himself, cardboard colored sheets that were rough and itchy, and the lousiest excuse for a pillow he had ever seen.

"I'm turning off the light, Lovi." His roommate said from a few feet away, and before the Italian could protest, it was pitch dark inside of their enclosed, concrete room. Lovino reached for the bed, trying to get underneath the blankets that wanted to slide off of his body, and eventually he laid down; facing the wall. It was useless, however. He knew he would never get a minute of sleep during his stay here. His hazel eyes were wide open, motionless, and starting to water as the events of the whole day flashed in different scenes before his eyes.

He felt cramped. The room felt muggy, his heart was beating quickly, and he could feel chills sweep over his body despite the heat radiating from his skin. Yet, in the heat of the moment, he tried not to utter one noise. Nothing. He just let a few tears slip down his face and onto his pillow. But, as if he knew Lovino was crying, Antonio whispered a soft, "Are you okay?"

He didn't respond. Well, he  _tried_ to respond, but all that came out were brief sniffles that sounded like he was choking on something. The Spaniard sighed in understanding, sitting up in his bed and resting his head on his hand, "Lovino, you can cry if you need to."

"I-I'm not-!"

"Believe me, I cried for hours my first night here. There's nothing to be ashamed of. It helps sometimes."

"..I'm n-not crying."

Antonio looked down, chuckling to himself, "Right.. Well, I'm just saying that if you were, which you most  _obviously_ aren't, it would be fine. Yeah?"

"W-Whatever, bastard!"

And that's when the tears began to fall. Lovino clutched his pillow, burying his face into it and let himself sob into the uncomfortable object loudly. Antonio clearly felt empathetic and wanted to help, but he couldn't do anything about it. He had only just met him, and he didn't know what would be the best way to help. Instead, he laid back down, acting as if nothing was happening to make Lovino feel just a bit more comfortable about the situation. Which, hopefully, was working.

* * *

Before anyone could comprehend what was happening, it was already morning. A person burst through their door uninvited and started yelling at them to get up, resulting in Lovino jolting awake with a frightened squeak.

"Up and at em!" Mathias' voice rang through the small space, "Breakfast is ready!"

Food was really the only thing the Italian looked forward to anymore. Sure, it wasn't the best he'd had, but it was  _something_.

He got up, groggily scratching at his chest when a hand was forced into his shoulder, causing him to stagger backwards. "First, vitals!"

"Vitals..?"

"Mhm! Blood pressure and temperature. Sit." The hand shoved him down back onto his bed and something was attached to his forearm. The machine started to come to life and the strap pressed onto his skin, but he tried to bear through it.

"Looks good. And temperature... Normal. Cool!" The Dane clapped his hands together, "You can go out and get food. Antonio, you're next!"

Lovino got up, quickly glancing at the two before going out into the main area that looked just as it did the day before. He was just getting towards the kitchen when another door swung open and hit the wall roughly, causing the whole unit to shake. He jumped and turned around, trying to see who the culprit was.

"Woah, what's going on?!" Lukas sternly asked, walking towards the noise and seeing two people come out of their room; one laughing hysterically, and one bright red with anger.

"I  _demand_ another room!"

"D-Dude! I was just playing around!"

"How would you like a punch to the throat?!"

"Oi!" Silence filled the air as Lukas spoke, "What happened? Alfred, what did you do this time?"

Alfred was trying to avoid snickering as he leaned against a table, running a hand through his bright blonde hair, "Nothing man! I just accidentally turned his water cold in the shower."

"Accidentally my ass! Then you proceeded to make me slip!"

"Okay, that part wasn't my fault! I just ran away so you wouldn't kill me."

" _Alright!"_

Lovino decided to ignore what was going on; he didn't want to be a part of it. Instead, he took one of the plastic plates on the counter and searched through his food options, picking out a bit and he finally turned around to find a table. Just as he was about to sit down, he saw Alfred slump into a seat with a frown.

"What happened to you?"

"I'm in 'quiet time'.. Don't talk to me or you'll get in trouble."

"Quiet time..?"

Alfred put his finger to his mouth, signaling that he had to be quiet, and he shook his head, "I'll talk to you later dude."

Lovino skeptically nodded, going towards another table to sit down by himself - for now. Soon, however, the peppy Spaniard bounded from their room into the kitchen area, taking a plateful of food and joining Lovino at the small table. "Hola!"

"..How the hell are you so happy right now?"

"I dunno.. I just look forward to food and talking!"

"Whatever."

Antonio smiled brightly at Lovino who's head was now facing his plate, and in silence they started eating. A few footsteps neared them after several seconds,

"M-May I join you?"

They didn't even have to look up to know who it was. It was Arthur, obviously a bit hesitant, but Antonio offered a lovely grin of invitation. "Of course! Sit!"

"Thank you very much.."

"No need to thank us. Anyway," He leaned forward, raising his eyebrows, "what exactly happened between you and Alfred?"

Arthur took a deep breath and sunk his head into one of his hands; his other messing with the lukewarm food on his plate. "Well, the fool decided it would be a great idea to change the temperature of my shower this morning. Naturally I ran out as soon as possible and then proceeded to slip onto the floor. I believe I have a bruise on my hip.."

"He said he was in 'quiet time'." Lovino piped up, taking a drink before continuing, "What does that mean?"

The Brit tilted his head and smirked, "Basically he's in time out. He deserves it."

"Oh so-"

Lovino was cut off by a soft voice ringing from the front desk, "Once you guys are done, meet me by the chairs."

"What are we gonna do?"

Antonio put up his plate, brushing his hands on his pants, "Probably talk about ourselves."

"Ourselves?"

"Si.. It's kind of uncomfortable, but you'll be alright."

Lovino rolled his eyes, leaning into Arthur's face as the Spaniard walked away, "It's hell. Good luck."

 


	9. Chapter 9

Footsteps padded across the tiled floor and into a new room that Lovino hadn't seen before. It was much different than the lounge area they were usually in, and much more dull as well. The paint was peeling, there was a circle of metal chairs in the center of the room, and a lonely window sat on the far side of the back wall.

"Pick a seat quickly." A monotone voice rang from behind them, and instantly Lovino rushed to a seat for fear of being yelled at. Looking up, he realized it was one of the therapists he had never seen, let alone talked to.

"My name is Lukas. I see some unfamiliar faces so, as usual, let's introduce ourselves and say why we're here. No sugarcoating anything, got it?"

_Damn, there's no getting passed him._

Lukas sighed, leaning back in his chair, and once again his deep voice filled the small space. "My name is Lukas. I'm here because I'm obviously trying to help you all out. And we'll start with... You." The Norwegian pointed towards Arthur who was shyly slumping into the back of his chair. It was obvious that he didn't want to talk, but he was being forced to.

"I-I'm-"

"Sit up."

Everyone watched as the Brit slowly sat upright, terrified of this man. "I'm Arthur. I'm here because they told me I should kill myself."

Thin eyebrows rose in curiosity and Lukas was now leaning forward, "They? Who's  _they?_ "

"The voices."

Tension filled the area; everyone was glancing at each other a bit apprehensively, as if they didn't want Arthur to keep talking.

"...I see. So, are you telling me that these 'voices' told you to kill yourself?"

"Yes." Arthur replied quickly, "I just said that, didn't I? They said I was better off dead."

"And you just... believed them?"

"Of course."

Lukas took a few deep breaths, processing the information and it was clear he was trying to calm himself down. "Arthur," He started again, looking at the blonde, "Have you ever considered that maybe these voices... aren't real?"

A small squeak of laughter was heard, "Nonsense! Of course they're real! How could you suggest something so absurd?"

"Arthur-"

"In fact," Arthur interrupted, glancing behind the therapist with a small smile and pointing a shaking finger, "He's right behind you."

Silence.

A harsh shiver ran down Lovino's spine at the words spoken so calmly.

Lukas peered over his shoulder and saw absolutely nothing. He frowned, opening his mouth to say something, but promptly closed it. "We'll talk later. Next."

"My name is Toris." A quiet voice started, and he slipped his hands through his hair, "I was in an abusive relationship and-"

A loud knock at the door interrupted the Lithuanian, and Lukas rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Who is it?"

The door swung open furiously and a voice rang in every one of their ears, "Doctor Feliks!"

The therapist flinched at the doctor's high-pitched, feminine voice, "Oh great... Who do you need?"

"Where's my Liet~?" The man walked in, scanning the patients with a large grin, coming over to Toris and wrapping his arms around his neck. Toris' face turned pink and he tried to gently pull away; but to no avail.

"I-I told you to stop calling me that, Doctor Feliks.."

"Like, come on silly. Let's go!"

Reluctantly, Toris stood from his spot, still red-faced, and followed the blonde out into the hallway and shut the door behind him. Everyone turned their heads towards Lukas who had his face buried in his hands. "This whole place drives me insane." He muttered, and everyone slightly looked down, even though they had nothing to be ashamed about.

"Hey um.. Can we get a snack?" Alfred asked softly, trying to look innocent.

"You just had-... Fine. Get your damn snack and be back here in exactly three minutes."

Alfred cheered silently and jumped up, sprinting out into the kitchen, and Lovino watched him with disgust.

"Am I in hell or a circus?"

Lukas stifled a laugh, "Both."


	10. Chapter 10

The routine was engrained deep in his mind by now. Sit, talk, eat, sleep, and repeat. It was an endless loop, and Lovino was already starting to get tired of it despite it only being the second day. The only thing he could do to entertain himself was look around at the blank walls and try to dream up escape plans that he knew were too farfetched to work. Alfred was in the same state as he was, at the moment. His legs were sprawled along the couch and his head hung from the armrest at the far end. He would let out a groan every now and again, only for Arthur to tell him to "shut his bloody mouth", which was only more fuel for Alfred to continue.

"Do we get to do  _anything_ around here?" He asked, mostly to himself, but obviously the others heard. Antonio shook his head solemnly, looking over at the Italian who was slumped down into the chair.

"Not really. They don't want us to have 'too much fun'."

"That's bullshit."

"That's life."

"Oh come on Toni," Alfred chimed in, giving him a slap on the back, "don't be such a downer! Sometimes we listen to music and color!"

"You sound like my idiot brother."

"But.. It's fun..Oh!" His head snapped up, glasses sliding, "One time they brought in a puppy!"

"How long have you been here?"

"Two weeks."

"Christ.."

Lovino crossed his arms across his chest, looking over at the Spaniard who was staring right back. It was kind of creepy, in a way, but Lovino just shrugged it off as a habitual gesture Antonio was accustomed to. Even so, his cheeks started to turn pink at the blank stare he was receiving. "Quit looking at me, bastard."

"S-Sorry. You just have really nice eyes, is all."

"You've said that before."

"I have?"

With a smirk, the American sat up from the other side of the room. "Oh  _Lovi_ you have such beautiful eyes~" Alfred cooed in a teasing manner, trying his best to impersonate Antonio, "And your voice sounds like a million angels singing, and your body is more perfect than a god's, and-"

"Fuck off!" Lovino snapped, his face now a perfect shade of red. Antonio's was a matching color as he shooed the American away.

"I-I never said any of those things."

"You know you want to, dude."

"I do not!"

"Do to."

"You all are children!" Lovino growled, "All of you shut up! God, is there not  _one_  person here who isn't absolutely insane?!" He didn't mean it to come across so harshly, but before he knew it, he was huffing and puffing with anger; eyes staring at him with disbelief. Arthur's eyebrows were scrunched together, Antonio looked physically shocked, and Alfred, well, he looked just as angry as Lovino did; if not angrier.

"You're one to talk." He spat, leaning into his face, "If you weren't insane, you wouldn't be here, would you?"

"Freak."

"What did you just say..?"

Antonio tried to cut in, "Alfred."

"Oh and you're just so fucking perfect, aren't you Lovino? No one could  _ever_ compare to your perfection!"

Lovino's heart was pounding at a mile a minute as Alfred advanced further towards him. He didn't mean it. He didn't mean to act like he was perfect - he was anything but!

"N-No, please, I didn't-"

"Everyone thinks they're better than me. After all, I'm an idiot, yeah? I'm just a fat useless piece of shit who doesn't deserve happiness."

"Alfred! Take a deep breath." Antonio demanded, looking between the two of them. For once, Antonio looked genuinely pissed off. He stared into Lovino's hazel eyes, not with admiration, but with frustration.

"What was the point of that?" He asked softly, yet firmly, and Lovino stayed silent while looking at the ground. He honestly didn't know why he said those things to Alfred. Maybe it was just that everyone was talking around him and he wanted quiet. Or maybe it was because he was embarrassed about what they were saying about him..?

"I'm sorry." He murmured, almost like a whisper, and Alfred heard the soft apology; managing a smile.

"Nah, it's alright. I got a bit dramatic."

Relieved, Lovino sat back in his chair, feeling the smallest tinge of guiltiness still residing within him and growing with each passing second. He hated to admit that he was wrong, but he didn't want to lose anymore friends. "And.." He started to talk again, "I didn't mean to say I was perfect. That's not what I meant. I know I'm fucked up.."

"Dude, we all are. Seriously, it's fine!"

"G-Grazie.."

* * *

Day two seemed to last longer than day one. Every single second dragged on for a century, and every minute was an eternity. After the short scene with Alfred, everything was starting to die down. No one really wanted to do or say anything, but for some reason their therapists wouldn't let them fall asleep. Something about getting used to "routines".

Occasionally Antonio would try to talk to him, and he would make small comments as replies. But that was it, really. Not much was happening, and quite frankly, Lovino was bored and antsy to get out of the unit. But he knew that would be impossible. They could hardly go to the bathroom without supervision, let alone leave the building. Another thing bothering the Italian was the fact that they were restricted from so many things. No books, phones, computers, or anything that could be classified as entertaining, apparently. Just a notebook, which he would doodle in a bit, but then he would get frustrated and not touch it for hours on end.

Also.. the withdrawals. He hadn't made a mark on his skin for a whole two days, and it was driving him insane. Lovino would find himself scratching himself just to feel a bit of the sensations that he used to. And just when he was starting to feel a bit better, one of the therapists (usually Lukas) would reprimand him for wanting to hurt himself.  _That's the whole reason I'm here, asshole._ He would whisper under his breath with a scowl, and a few times he was sure Lukas could hear him. Oh well.

The others were just as solemn as he was. Especially Arthur, it seemed. There was just something about him that made Lovino pity him to no end. The way he constantly would look over his shoulder, or mutter something to himself. Sometimes he would even yell to the air, claiming that he was talking to "the voices". It must have been frightening. Or, maybe what was even more frightening was the fact that Arthur was so used to it. It seemed that Alfred really wanted to help him. Every time Arthur had one of his panic incidents, Alfred would run up to him, lay his hands on his shoulders, and tell him to relax.

"Arthur, look at me. They aren't real. They aren't real, okay?"

"B-But-..!"

"I know they seem real, I know. But look, I'm right here."

"They w-want me to die, Alfred."

"Well tell them to fuck off."

Blinking, the Brit started to chuckle softly, covering his mouth to stop the laughter. Perhaps he thought Alfred would be offended, but really the American was more than happy that he was  _smiling._ So, he started laughing with him, and soon enough Arthur felt more at ease. This happened a few times throughout the afternoon, and Lovino noticed one of the times that Arthur had started crying. Alfred immediately did the same routine, wiped his tears away, but what shocked him was the fact that he planted a small kiss on Arthur's cheek after his anxiety had ceased.

It was rather sweet, Lovino thought, but he wouldn't say anything. Nor would he admit that he wished deep down something like that would happen to him.

His head turned towards his roommate.

Antonio turned towards him.

They looked at each other for only a moment before they jerked their eyes away and continued staring into nothing.  _  
_

He was curious about Antonio. What he was like, what got him into the hospital... He seemed so happy for someone who was depressed. He didn't want to pry but... Who was he kidding - yes he did. Maybe he would ask him a few questions before they went to bed.

Maybe they would actually understand one another.

Maybe.

Maybe...


	11. Chapter 11

It was just starting to get around bedtime when everything was beginning to die down. There were hardly any other interactions, and if there were, they were short and to the point. A few yawns would escape Lovino's lips every now and then. He was dead tired. So much had happened in so little time and it was taking a toll on his small frame and malnourished body..

As much as he wanted sleep, he also hated it. Why? Because it meant having to wake up again. "Well," Lukas piped up, causing a few of them to jump from the suddenness, "I guess since all of you are unwilling to talk, you should head to bed. Everyone took their showers right?" They nodded. "Alright.. Lights out soon."

Antonio was the first to get out of his chair and it squeaked beneath him as he stood. "Welp, this Spaniard is hitting the hay." He said a bit too cheerfully, stretching his arms behind his back and groaning as he did so. Since they were roommates, Lovino reluctantly followed.

"Night." He mumbled, but the rest of his acquaintances ignored him. They were just as tired as he was.

Swinging open the unlocked door to their room, Lovino instantly started to undress as if looking forward to getting into the uncomfortable bed. Well, in a way he was. He honestly was tired, but part of him wanted to stay awake and ask Antonio questions.

"H-Hey." He started hesitantly, sliding underneath the rough fabric of the bedsheets, "I have some questions."

"About?"

"You."

Lovino could hear the pause in Antonio's movements, but he started moving around again after fully processing the answer. "What about me?"

"Just a few things."

"Alright. Go for it."

Lovino fluffed up his flattened pillow, not looking over at Toni. He wasn't sure if he could. "How.. did you get here?"

"I thought you'd ask that." A soft snicker from Antonio caught him by surprise. "The answer is simple: Alcohol."

"But-"

"I was an alcoholic;  _was._ I thought it was numbing me of the pain but it only brought me more." Lovino could hear the cautiousness in his voice. Maybe it was a bad question to ask, he thought. "Long story short, I tried to commit suicide."

The Italian gulped down the lump in his throat, nodding, "A-Ah. I'm sorry."

"It's alright." The built Spaniard shrugged. "Next? Or was that it?"

"A few more, if you don't mind.." Honestly that's all he wanted to know. But he didn't want to seem rude, so his mind started racing for more questions to ask. "Um.. What do you like to do for fun?"

"Well that's a dramatic change in questions.. But, I love to play the guitar. I wish they had one here. It relaxes me more than anything."

"Did you ask if they have one?"

"Well.. No."

"Well that's a start."

Antonio laughed underneath his breath and slid into his own bed, reaching for the light to turn it off. Lovino's bed was rather cold, he thought to himself while shifting beneath the blankets, but he didn't want to say anything out loud. He complained enough as it was; he didn't want to make too much of a fuss. Toni, on the other hand, was grumbling to himself. "Can't they even bother to give us proper beds? Or at least some decent blankets?" Lovino couldn't help but agree. He was right.

They both were cold, to the point of shivering. One could almost hear the Italian's teeth chattering together. Antonio looked over at Lovino in the darkness, his green eyes illuminating the room. "Are you as cold as I am?"

"S-Si.."

"Damn, and it's too late to ask for more blankets.. We'd get in trouble if they knew we were still up."

Lovino shrugged, "It's fine, idiot. Just sleep."

"I can't sleep like this!" he protested, getting up and coming towards Lovino, "Tell you what, we'll sleep together."

Lovino's cheeks turned red. Was this guy crazy?! "C-Cosa?!"

"Well we're cold! I'm not gonna let you freeze!"

"I-I'm fine, bastard! Don't touch me!"

"I'm not, just - Lovino scoot over."

"No!"

"I'm cold!"

"Well I am too but I don't want your ass near me!"

But, he couldn't even protest before the Spaniard had slipped in the bed with him; warmth overwhelming Lovino's reason. He soon quieted down and relaxed, yawning as he laid his head against the pillow. "See?" Toni whispered, chuckling, "It's much warmer!"

"It's fucking weird."

"Hey, we're friends right?"

Hazel eyes opened, looking into green ones. Were they friends..? Could they trust each other? Antonio seemed kind. Hell, he  _was_ kind. He was the only one who actually wanted to help so.. why  _wouldn't_ they be friends?

Lovnio didn't want to admit it out loud, but something about Antonio's grin told him that he already knew the answer.

"Just.. shut up and sleep.."

"Alright. Night Lovi!"

"Goodnight.."

Shit. Sleeping next to this guy was nice.


	12. Chapter 12

Lovino woke up to the ear shattering sound of a scream filled with terror and agony. His eyes jolted open and next to him was his roommate, already sitting up, with fear in his emerald eyes. Yanking off the covers, the Italian stumbled to get his clothes on. One leg in, tripping over himself, his shirt wrinkled and rolled up, heart pounding in his chest; he was terrified. A harsh knock at the door caused him to gasp aloud, and Antonio didn't even have time to get to it before it swung wide open. Lukas was standing short of breath on the other side.

"G-Get into the storage room." He said quickly, pointing in the direction, " _Now."_ His voice was gruff and concerned. Lovino had no idea what was going on, but it scared him to no end. Antonio had to grab his wrist and drag him out the door, otherwise he would've been standing there all day in complete shock.

"What's happening?" He asked Toni as they stepped outside their room. All of the others were filing into the storage closet like Lukas had said. Except, someone was missing. Lovino, shaking, stepped into the dimly lit room and looked around. Alfred was standing next to him surprisingly silent. Toris was in the corner, closing his eyes. Natalia was holding herself, muttering. Of course Antonio was still holding onto his wrist so that left... Arthur. Arthur wasn't anywhere around.

Another scream. Shivers racked Lovino's spine as he stood clutching onto Antonio as if his life depended on it. Lukas opened the door and shut it behind him promptly, standing in front of them as if protectively. Lovino found himself talking before he could control himself.

"W-What the hell is happening? Where's Arthur? Why are we-"

"Shut up!" Alfred growled from behind him, Lovino not expecting it. He bit his tongue and did as he was told. But why, he wondered. Why was Alfred getting so defensive? But now was not the time to ask. Instead he waited, his breath hot and heavy, his head pounding in his skull. He was so scared he could hardly breathe.

A buzzing noise above them made all of their heads tilt upwards. It was a speaker. " _Doctors we have entered Code Red, please take precautions."_ Lovino hated the sound of that. He started shaking harder, breathing sporadic, and Antonio wrapped an arm around his shoulder to keep him calm. Well, as calm as possible at the moment. Lukas stared at the door with such intensity that Lovino was convinced he could see right through it. He just wanted to know what was going on.

Alfred, heaving a sigh, leaned against the back wall next to where Toris was sitting. "It's Arthur." He said, almost too calmly, but inside he felt as if he might explode. "He's.. breaking. He kept yelling and screaming and punching - it wouldn't stop. I don't know what they're doing to him." Lovino's heart sank. He felt his head reeling to understand what was going on. And the fact that they might be doing something to him angered him more than anything.

His anger was boiling inside the pit of his stomach, so much so that his face turned a deep shade of red. "Move!" He found himself saying, shoving Lukas out of the way, knocking the door open with his shoulder and running towards the front door where he came in. No way in hell would he let these bastards hurt someone. He needed help, not harm. Alfred was right behind him, laying his hand on his shoulder before brushing past him to find Arthur in the midst of this mess. Lovino could hear Lukas screaming at them from back in the storage room, but honestly he couldn't care less. He was too focused on the screams of pain in a room Alfred was standing numbly in front of. The American's face was pale and sickly.

The screams stopped abruptly and Lovino gulped down his nerves. He could hardly breathe; as if choking on the air. Alfred was just standing there watching. As if something miraculous would happen. And suddenly, he barged into the metal doors, causing them to open and hit the wall with a loud, deafening crash. Lovino ran around and turned the corner to look inside. He regretted it immediately. Arthur was on the floor in a clump, a needle in his arm and his skin was a ghostly white. For a second, Lovino thought he was dead. It was only when he saw his chest heaving up and down that he felt a bit of relief. But only a small amount. Alfred looked like he was about to break down.

"You.. You..!" The blond's fists clenched in rage, the veins showing on his muscular arms. It was like grief and anger had taken control of him. "How  _dare_ you! What the hell are you doing?!"

"Sir, get away or we'll call the authorities in."

"Fucking bastards! What did you do to him!?"

"Sir, step away."

Lovino felt sick. Is this what he was dealing with? This... This hell?


	13. Chapter 13

Calming down Alfred was quite the chore. Everybody had to band together and give him calming words of advice to make him breathe more easily. The truth was, all of them were furious. The way they treated Arthur like a toy that was falling apart, rather than a human being, shattered their hopes of ever getting better in this place. Lukas had no proper explanation of what happened. If he tried to explain, he felt like the others would get even more angry and the whole group therapy would turn into a mess. Lovino was clenching and unclenching his fists repeatedly. His rage was slowly dying as he heaved a drawn-out sigh. He officially decided that he hated it here.

"How about we all eat something. That could help our nerves." Lukas suggested, and the others hesitantly nodded. Of course, no one really wanted to eat. They were all too shaken. But defying the therapist could mean they would end up in the same state as Arthur.

"What did you do with him?" Toris asked suddenly, looking at Lukas with an intense stare. It wasn't menacing or cold, just filled with curiosity. Lukas hoped he wouldn't have to answer this question, but unfortunately he couldn't run away from it now.

"He.. Arthur was taken to the Quiet Room."

"The-"

"It's an empty room so that he can't hurt himself further."

"That sounds awful!" Toris objected, waving his arms, "Why would that help him?"

"Toris, we have our reasons."

Lovino interjected, "I don't care about your fucking reasons. It's cruel."

"We should be helping him, no hurting him further." Antonio added. All of them were defending him. Lukas took a step back and rubbed the back of his neck. He had no idea what to say, considering they were right, but he had to obey the rules. He didn't make them.

"Everyone sit down and eat." He said firmly, turning away and going behind the large desk. "I'll call each of your names to take your medication."

Medication? Lovino didn't recall taking any. He opened his mouth to ask, but closed it soon after. He didn't want to deal with Lukas anymore at the moment. Instead he obeyed with an angry scowl, getting his food and sitting next to Antonio. Antonio knew how he upset he was, so he decided not to say a word. It would've made things worse.

"Alfred." Lukas called out, motioning the American towards him with a cup in his hand. "Take these."

"I know. I've been doing this for two weeks." He said with a sarcastic smile, rolling his eyes and going back to his seat to take them.

Lovino didn't expect his name to be called. He furrowed his brows together, getting up and going towards Lukas. "I know you don't have any medication now, but that's why we're going to test some based on your results. So here's these," He handed him the small cup, "And you need to take them now. We'll give them to you everyday unless something changes."

Lovino nodded and went back to his place, chugging down some orange juice so he could take the medication. He had a feeling this day wasn't going to be so great.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading so far. I hope you enjoyed, and let me know if I can fix it in any way.


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